Do-overs

The past few days have been ROUGH. Baby Bear wakes from her morning nap around 11/12, then by 1 cannot be left alone (or put down!) without full-on screaming. Eye-rubbing. Choking from crying. Slings and carriers don't work. Nursing only temporarily works. She's sooo tired but just won't sleep. Finally by 6 she's so totally exhausted that she falls asleep. Now, I guess I'm used to this. We spent most of the first 5 months of her life this way. But the screaming had subsided and the sleeping was "under control." I thought I was "in the clear." 

I've been increasingly more impatient and far less forgiving of myself - and the screams. This is not a fun place to be. So, tonight, I decided to remind myself that this is a new moment. Whatever Baby Bear or I did 5 minutes ago is in the past. We get a do-over RIGHT NOW. I cuddled her up, told her I loved her, and waited for her to feel right enough to sleep. Then I opened a book. 

The next chapter in my book was about a canoe trip in the Boundary Waters. It brought back so many memories of a self-care retreat I had taken in the same area. I was reminded of the beautiful women I spent those days with. The beauty that happens when people experience a spiritual and emotional bond. 

I am reminded that there is a "bigger picture" to the smaller moments. Each minute shapes us and connects us. Each moment leaves an imprint. And at the same time, each moment presents a fresh start. A new turn. A different choice.